The Sanctifying Power of Conflict in Your Marriage

“We need to talk.” This is the one phrase that causes nearly every husband to run for the hills. Can’t you hear the tension in that statement? The fact is most men (and women, too) assume the “need” to talk is laced with conflict. And the majority of people are conflict-avoidant, hence the mad dash from imminent danger. It’s the “flight” response in the fight, flight, or freeze method we learned about in middle school Science. The problem with running from marriage conflict, though, is we lose the benefit of maturing in our Christian faith and growing in our marriage. Rather than viewing conflict as a hindrance to harmony, Christian couples are called to embrace it as a discipleship tool that shapes us into the image of Christ.

Harness Humility

Marriage will test your humility like nothing else. Ever heard the marriage joke, “My wife says I’m a know-it-all. I told her I already knew that”? Pride constantly beckons us, especially when we’re in conflict. We see things our way. We want things to go as we planned. We believe our answer is right. One of Jesus’s most attractive qualities was his humility. The Bible says, “Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being . . . he humbled himself in obedience to God” (Philippians 2:7-8a, NLT). Where are you holding on to your “privilege” in marriage instead of lowering yourself in obedience to God? Is it more important to be right or righteous? You decide.

Practice Patience

Patience is a virtue. It is also a fruit of the Spirit that is cultivated through the climate of conflict. When you don’t get your way right away, you should exercise patience towards your spouse instead of succumbing to frustration, irritation, or impatience. Colossians 3:12 encourages believers to “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” (emphasis mine). Patience is a gift you give your spouse, and it maintains unity and peace within your marriage.

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Dana Che Williams Bo Dana Che Williams is a speaker, marriage/relationship coach, and the host of the Real Relationship Talk podcast, where she helps people uncomplicate relationships and build deeper connections. She is also a devoted daughter and friend of God and serves as a Teaching Pastor at a multi-site, multi-ethnic church in Virginia Beach, VA. In groups, large or small, Dana’s mission is singular: to help lead people into more fruitful and connected relationships with the Lord and each other. On the podcast, she is known for her graceful candor, humor, and encouraging yet challenging advice. Dana holds a B.A. in communication from Regent University. She has a fierce passion for fashion and a fiercer passion for truth. She shares her life with Shaun, her childhood sweetheart and husband of twenty-four years, their four amazing children, and their “multi-cultural” dog in beautiful Virginia Beach, VA. Connect with her on social media @mrsdanache and find helpful relationship resources on her website at https://danache.com.