\n<\/p>\n
Actors:<\/p>\n
Jewish scribe(s)<\/strong>: Oh Lord, we\u2019ve had it pretty rough lately, what with the exile and all. We thought it would be a great idea if we had super clear instructions on what you want from us so we can avoid this sort of thing in the future. We\u2019re thinking of something like a collection of old stories (with some editing, of course) and some new stories to recount this long journey we\u2019ve been on.<\/p>\n God:<\/strong>\u00a0Hmm. . . . Can I inspire it?<\/p>\n JS<\/strong>: Yes! Of course! We\u2019re counting on it. After all, we\u2019re thinking of this as your authoritative word to us.<\/p>\n G<\/strong>: OK, I suppose, though I\u2019m not super thrilled with the idea. I mean, I get your point about wanting some direction from me, but you know what happens when you put something profound in writing.<\/p>\n JS<\/strong>: Actually, we don\u2019t. We\u2019re new at this.<\/p>\n G<\/strong>: If I\u2019m going to have a hand in a book like this, I\u2019ll bet you an unblemished heifer that many\u2014now and more so as time passes\u2014are going to expect from it all sorts of firm and unchanging answers<\/a>\u00a0rather than seeking me directly. They might even begin thinking that\u00a0knowing this book is the same as knowing me.<\/p>\n JS<\/strong>: <chuckling> Yeah. Like that would ever happen.<\/p>\n G<\/strong>: Fine, but just so no one gets the wrong idea, here\u2019s what I\u2019m going to do.<\/p>\n Right out of the chute, we\u2019ll start with a creation story<\/a>, and then immediately after I\u2019ll throw in another creation story that contradicts it\u2014I mean, obviously. The order will be all different. You can\u2019t miss it.<\/p>\n Oh, and in that second creation story, I\u2019m going to have two magical trees and a talking serpent\u2014an obviously symbolic and ambiguous story, which means you\u2019ll have to dig to understand it, and more than one meaning will be valid. If that doesn\u2019t get the point across, nothing will.<\/p>\n Right after that, I\u2019ll have a story of two brothers that involves animal and grain offerings as if it\u2019s no big deal, even though those sacrifices won\u2019t be instituted until after the exodus from Egypt.<\/p>\n To drive the point home, I\u2019ll follow that up with two genealogies that are similar and yet different enough to raise all sorts of questions.<\/p>\n I\u2019ll follow that with a flood story where the details don\u2019t match up\u2014like what animals are involved and how long the ordeal takes.<\/p>\n And then I\u2019ll offer two different versions of how people came to populate the earth\u2014a positive story about Noah\u2019s sons and then a less flattering one about Babylonians trying to build a tower to heaven.<\/p>\n There. Great stories. All full of wonderful things to ponder and debate. But I can\u2019t see anyone elevating these stories to some divine status or something.<\/p>\n But just in case . . .<\/p>\n I will proclaim laws to Moses from Mt. Sinai that say different things about the same thing and that even contradict each other.<\/p>\n My commands will generally be so ambiguous that you\u2019ll need to think through what exactly you\u2019re supposed to do rather than expect me to hand you answers.<\/p>\n I will portray myself both as a violent and ruthless warrior against other nations and as someone who has compassion on the nations.<\/p>\n I will change my mind about a bunch of things and at times appear to not really know what\u2019s going on and be caught by surprise.<\/p>\n And I\u2019ll\u00a0include two utterly different and irreconcilable stories of Israel\u2019s kings.<\/p>\n I\u2019ll make sure that some writers have major disagreements with other writers.<\/p>\n That should do it. I may think of some other things.<\/p>\n Actually, hold on. We haven\u2019t even gotten to the Jesus<\/a> part. I know you don\u2019t know what I\u2019m talking about, but you\u2019ll see what I mean when you get there.<\/p>\n Four different and conflicting versions of\u00a0the <\/em>central character of the entire story.<\/p>\n A messiah who claims to be connected to Israel\u2019s long story but then dies at the hands of the enemy and does and says other things that don\u2019t square with that story.<\/p>\n And this guy Paul.<\/p>\n He\u2019ll write some letters about following Jesus, and yet the core of his message\u2014Jews and Gentiles are both reconciled to God through Jesus\u2019s death and resurrection\u2014are never once uttered by Jesus.<\/p>\n He\u2019s going to be impossible to pin down on what he thinks about women and slaves.<\/p>\n He\u2019s going to make a big deal about how laws I expressly gave to Moses aren\u2019t necessary to obey anymore.<\/p>\n What\u2019s more (if you can wrap your head around this), he\u2019s going to make the case that this is what I was after all along. Yeah, Paul will give them real fits.<\/p>\n You want a book, you\u2019re going to get one.<\/p>\n And you\u2019re going to love it. Trust me.<\/p>\n But not if you\u2019re looking to it to be a stand-in for my Spirit, or if you\u2019re looking to it to give you some certainty<\/a> about what I want you to do or think\u2014like I\u2019m some sort of helicopter parent.<\/p>\n I just don\u2019t want you to get the wrong idea. I\u2019m not going to be doing the heavy lifting. You are.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n