I\u2019ve hated cats all my life. Well, maybe not all my life. My mom has a picture of me, maybe six years old, playing with kittens in my grandpa\u2019s barn, and I remember begging to take that little furball home. But my mom hated cats, and I soon did too.<\/p>\n
My husband\u2019s family had a cat, and when we were dating, I shuddered whenever I visited. The creature was unbearably forward and gross. I was convinced the cat tried to kill me one night by sitting on my head while I slept, even though my husband insists she was just being cozy.<\/p>\n
My thinking on felines held firm for about two decades. Our sweet dogs were all the pets I ever wanted, while cats, by contrast, were disgusting to me. They walked on tables with their little cat feet. They seemed mysterious and inscrutable.<\/p>\n
I rolled all cats together with the evil Snowbell from E. B. White\u2019s Stuart Little<\/em>: \u201cmalevolent, self-absorbed, negative, obstinate, witty, bellicose, evil, loathsome, loquacious, testy, ingenious, narcissistic, kooky, eccentric, relentless, boorish, emotional, loud-mouthed and loco.\u201d<\/p>\n Then our youngest child went full-court press for a pet cat. He sang their praises. Knowing my fears, he researched a cat species bred for their friendliness to both dogs and humans and then found a local veterinarian breeder who raises the things in her home.<\/p>\n His campaign came at an opportune time for him. We were post-COVID, post-lots-of-losses. His older siblings were moving into realms that aren\u2019t yet for him, and I felt like he needed something. Maybe at that moment, I would have given him almost anything. So for the love of my son, I swallowed my apprehension, and we called the breeder and reserved a fluff-some kitten.<\/p>\n That\u2019s the slow part of the story. As soon as I met Dwight (named by my son, for the character in the NBC sitcom The Office<\/em>), I fell for him.<\/p>\n My love for my son had somewhat prepared me for the transition, but I was changed through my unexpected connection with the cat. I was converted. I became a cat person, in personal relationship with Dwight. (Dwight, of course, is not a person, but I have a personal relationship with him, as I am a person, and so my relationships are personal.)<\/p>\n My conversion to cats\u2014or Dwight, more specifically\u2014has informed my view of Christian conversion.<\/p>\n Augustine, who understood human beings to be made up of the deep settings of our wills, said<\/a> in so many words that we are what we want. Our wills are quite difficult to change. They\u2019re stubborn. They just are.<\/p>\n Why do I love asparagus but not brussels sprouts, a zinnia but not a brown-eyed Susan? These settings, these wantings, pull on us at the core, and we can\u2019t simply decide to switch them out. The will is too personal to be changed at will. I could at least explain to you why I didn\u2019t like cats. But my pull toward zinnias and away from sprouts seems to be without reason\u2014just who I am, without one plea.<\/p>\n If Augustine is right and we are what we want, but what we want is very hard to change, then how do we imagine conversion?<\/p>\n For the Bishop of Hippo, the deepness of our wills means we need supernatural transformation. If I can\u2019t just flip a switch and become a sprouts person, how much less can I simply decide to turn my back on sin and toward God?<\/p>\n Conversion isn\u2019t simply a decision. It\u2019s a revolution and a miracle. Augustine is the great theologian of grace because he emphasizes that our transformation is a gift from God, not something we can ever grab on our own terms.<\/p>\n Image: Courtesy of Beth Felker Jones \/ Edits by Christianity Today<\/p>\n Dwight the cat<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n I believe this with all my heart. Grace is not a magic bullet. It isn\u2019t dispensed through an incantation, nor is it a ticket to heaven. It\u2019s a person, Jesus Christ our Lord, with whom we fall in love and by whom we are changed. This doesn\u2019t mean we simply decide on conversion. I didn\u2019t decide on Dwight. But it does mean that conversion doesn\u2019t happen without us. It\u2019s personal, not transactional. Grace is a cat in my lap.<\/p>\n I did not expect this upset in the deep settings of my being. A cat person? Me? But the upset is changing the way I see the world. If I can become a cat person, what else might God change in my life? What other deep-set prejudices am I clinging to? Where else am I blind to the goodness of God? (Please don\u2019t say, \u201cSprouts.\u201d)<\/p>\n Now that Dwight has changed the deep settings of my will, I marvel at all he is teaching me about grace. Christopher Smart<\/a> considers his cat Jeoffry as \u201cthe servant of the Living God duly and daily serving him,\u201d while the ancient Irish cat Pangur B\u00e1n<\/a> lives out the theology of work alongside his monk friend:<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n So in peace our task we ply,
\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Like many a cat lover before me, I marvel at Dwight\u2019s wildness\u2014how he\u2019s exactly like a tiger or a puma, save for his petite size. I wonder that this untamed creature should sleep safely next to me, and I remember with a shiver C. S. Lewis\u2019s dictum that Aslan \u201cis not a tame lion.\u201d<\/p>\n I shudder before the majesties of God\u2019s creation. I marvel, too, at the fact that Dwight has decided to live comfortably with my two goofy dogs, lion and lambs together, an ensign of the peaceable kingdom.<\/p>\n I know he\u2019s just a cat, but Dwight startles me every day with the surprise of my conversion, reminding me of the ways I was once blind to so much in God\u2019s beautiful world.<\/p>\n Beth Felker Jones is professor of theology at Northern Seminary and writes at Church Blogmatics<\/a>, where you can also find links to all things #theologycat.<\/p>\n Dwight offers his thoughts (and makes theological mistakes) on Beth\u2019s social media feeds, where he often shares #CATechesis (a word which means \u201cteaching the faith\u201d) when he\u2019s not too busy helping with a writing deadline.<\/p>\n <\/div>\n![\"Dwight](\"https:\/\/www-images.christianitytoday.com\/images\/136290.jpg?h=290&w=650\" "\\"Dwight")
<\/p>\n
Pangur B\u00e1n<\/em>, my cat, and I;
\nIn our arts we find our bliss,
\nI have mine and he has his.<\/p>\n