by Jared Byas<\/a> It was about ten years ago when those doubts first came.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe God\u2019s not real.\u201d<\/p>\n Like any unwelcome intruder, they were shoved immediately out of my mind. With my back still against the door, they knocked again. The knocks became a rattling doorknob and the rattling became thrusts to come back in.<\/p>\n And this door, it had no locks. If you\u2019ve ever tried to keep someone out of a door with no lock, you know, it\u2019s exhausting.<\/p>\n Eventually I stopped trying. I caved. I welcomed them in, told them to make themselves at home, and asked if they wanted anything to drink.<\/p>\n As my doubts settled in and made themselves comfortable, my discomfort with my current job grew. Sometimes preaching the same sermon 4 times in a weekend to a congregation with around 3,000 members, what felt like double-mindedness became maddening. The inner voices, you know, the ones that say \u201cfraud,\u201d and \u201cfake,\u201d \u201cunfaithful\u201d and \u201ccoward,\u201d they started getting louder.<\/p>\n There was one group I was particularly close with. It was the smallest service. It met on Saturday nights and I preached at it almost every week. And one week, as I introduced communion, something profound happened to me. A truth that I never understood now made sense.<\/p>\n And in that moment, I decided I would let this group of about 200 people into that room in my mind where I kept the doubts.<\/p>\n \u201cAs we take communion tonight, I have a confession to make,\u201d I said, with my voice trembling.<\/p>\n \u201cSometimes I don\u2019t believe. Sometimes I don\u2019t believe God exists. Sometimes I\u2019m not so sure about Jesus either. Sometimes I don\u2019t know what to do with the Bible. And sometimes I have more questions than answers.\u201d<\/p>\n That felt good.<\/p>\n \u201cBut that\u2019s okay,\u201d I said. \u201cIt\u2019s okay because that\u2019s why you\u2019re here tonight. That\u2019s why I show up week after week after week. Because when I can\u2019t believe, you believe on my behalf. You believe for me. And when I can believe, I\u2019ll bear your unbelief. That\u2019s what it means to be the Body of Christ.\u201d<\/p>\n And when not one person batted an eye or tossed a judgmental glare, that\u2019s when Christianity became real to me. That\u2019s when the Church became my home.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n![\"Jared](\"https:\/\/peteenns.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/img-204.jpg\")
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